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Post by Hime on Dec 10, 2005 19:01:23 GMT 8
This is a sweet fic that I like so much credits to... I'm forget coz I got this fiction very longgg time ago ^^;; may be Gackt X Hyde community (LJ).Enjoy mina! Title: Out of Curiosity Rating: PG-13, I think Summary: Gackt steals some spare-time between his hectic schedule to visit his hometown and meet his childhood friend. From Gackt's POV. Notes: this story is totally fiction. There are stuff in this fic that comes solely from my imagination, i.e. Gackt's family, gakuhai's childhood, and so on (I bet you've already know, why am I keep repeating this thing? --; . And for a bunch of Japanese terms I used here, in case some of you doesn't understand, the meaning is written right before the story. And I apologize if there's some grammar mistakes (unconsciously) made, because I'm not very fluent in English (but I'm learning, though!^^). So, enjoy the scenery from the rooftop! (oops, spoiler) | OUT OF CURIOSITY | Aah, my hometown. Here I am! And I fall with my face down to the ground as someone knocks my head from behind. "Just look at yourself, Satoru!" there, behind me, stands my elegant-looking mother, with her jet-black hair made to a tightly coiled braid right above the nape of her neck. She and her black embroidered kimono is all you can expect from the description of yamato nadeshiko, except for the broom she holds by her small (though still soft as a girl's) hands-which she used a second ago to hit me (like in the old days). "You returned from Tokyo without calling first and passed your own house without even bothering to greet me who was sweeping the front yard?!" Her accusation is right. I admit that I didn't see her in the front yard-when I reached the wood gate of my house, unconsciously I just passed it by-not because I didn't give a damn about my mother or my family, but because my chest has been full of curiosity to know what this particular person is doing after he came back from visiting me in Tokyo a month ago-ah, it's not that important a thing anyway. ... Well... no, I do think it's important. I get up from the ground, silently thanking God that it hasn't been raining or less there will be puddles of waters on the street and I'll get my Dolce&Gabbana suit ruined (just kidding-there's no way I'll meet my parents with an expensive suit-my father will kill me because of an exposure of profuse prosperity. Well I do expose some of my prosperity, but not profusely, it's just that my taste makes me select a good item, and the good one is expensive) and face my mother's angry face. "Naah, Kaa-san, I didn't mean to ignore you, I was daydreaming," I give an excuse. "So, what you've been doing?" "Sweeping," she says. Trust my mom to give an obvious, accurate fact when you question her. I smile. "I love you, Kaa-san." And trust me to reply her words with the most unrelated things. And she smiles too. People always say that I have my mother's face-which I have to admit is true. We share a same pair of glassy black eyes (mine is covered by blue soft-lenses, by the way) and lush red lips (fangirls tend to call it 'sexy'), a very close resemblance that often makes me called for having a 'girly face'. But hey, with this face's aid I earn a decent living. I mean, it's all luck for me to have this kind of look accompanying my so-called 'talent' (for me it's just a Nature-call though), although sometimes I wish people to stop yapping about my features and just listen to my music. As the thought swishes back and forth inside my perpetually chock-full mind, my mother once again gives me a whack with the broom, this time on my shin. "God, Kaa-san!" I yell. "Stop hitting me!" I forgot that she doesn't like to see a person lost in a reverie in the middle of a conversation (either with her or with somebody else, where she's being a mere observant). My mother just lifts an eyebrow and turns around to get in the house. "Your father is playing go in the drawing room." Aah, the eternal suffering. To think I return to Kyoto just to see Hyde. My family's house has a traditional style-wooden floor, tatami, and shoji... Maybe because of that, I always feel very warm and secure inside this house. I remember having made to mop the wooden corridor as a punishment of not attending my daily koto practice. Or having crushed a shoji separating my room and my sister's when I was eight. The occurence itself was pretty comical, with Hyde's panicked face as he struggling to change his shorts into a red skirt his mother provided him before school, and I feign a laugh in front of my parents, covered in shreds of paper and pieces of what had been the door frame. Aah, I'm thinking of him again. I follow my mother through the quiet corridor. Maybe my brother is still at the school, considering it's just half past two in the afternoon. And my sister? Who knows, maybe she's still working. I forgot where does she work, is it at a lawyer office or at the police station? All I know is she handles criminals. My mother stops in front of an open shoji, and I peek inside. Which I regret later, because my mother gives me a whack again on the back of my head. "Don't peek like that!" she mumbles. "So childish for a man your age." I rub my head while muttering indistinct curse words and enter the drawing room. And there he is, the symbol of elder's superiority towards... uh, me, in the name of Tou-san, wearing a tsuru-patterned yukata, sitting erect in front of the go board, which is full with nothing but black pieces. Sometimes I think he's not really playing. He just likes to see the board with something on it. Weird thing, my father. "Tou-san," I greet him slowly, "Tadaima." My father turns his head some millimeters far to the direction where I'm standing, his eyes show a recognition. "Well, look who's here. I thought you've already forgotten your way back home." I smile as my eyebrows meet. If my mother likes to whack everyone out of their reverie and say apparent things, my father can't control his mouth to spit out cynical comments. Even if you've dressed your best and tortured your face with tons of heavy make ups, he'll still found some flaw to be pointed out, like, 'you're very pretty, if only you don't have that pimple under your right eye' (although it's not a pimple, in fact, it's a mole--but since he says it, a pimple it is!). I can do nothing but to smile and say cheerfully, "No, Tou-san, however forgetful I am, I always bring a map with me. Anyway," I sit in front of him on the other side of the go board, "How have you been doing?" "Great," he slowly put the black pieces one by one to its place, "But I was far better when you were still here, practicing the koto every evening after school. I have to turn off the TV because every now and then you keep show up in every commercial with that... what... ear-crushing music buzzing in the background." He's referring to the boring life I'd been plunged into since the day I was born-a life with solely traditional entertainment (whether it was music, drama or literature). Believe it or not, I finished Genji Monogatari when I was seven (although I fully understood the astounding appeal of Hikaru Genji, just when I entered high school and took him as a role-model--albeit not that thorough--just some flirting here and there). And from what I remember, my father bought our first television after my sister forewarned him about the danger of criminality in those days (those days was when I was in eleventh grade) and that my father had to keep in touch with the latest news. Finally father gave up (and decided that newspaper wasn't enough) and since then keeps himself tuned on the news channel. Still no entertainment for me. I didn't really mind though, because at that time I'd always been sneaking out to Hyde's house to watch the television. Even until now I don't think my father knows that. He always thinks that Hyde is a goody-two-shoes who won't do anything an elder tells him not to. Hyde is not, in all terms, a good boy. Considering what he did to me last night. ... And why am I keep thinking of him? "I'm sorry if my face disturbs you," I smile to him. And I think it's pretty sincere. And my music isn't ear-crushing. And my father's face, as I've expected, shows that he's melting inside with my sweet-toned words. "Silly boy," he says while slightly pouting, "how can your face disturb me? You have the same face as your mother." Finally having all the black pieces off the board, he begins putting the white pieces on it. "So what do they call you there? I forgot it, what's your stage-name once again?" "Not stage-name, Tou-san, I'm not a kabuki actor," I watch as his old hand placed the pieces one by one as if strategically. It maybe would please him more if I was. Come to think of it, I can pass as a perfect onnagata. Or maybe it's Hyde who can be a perfect one. Gladly my mother isn't here or else she'll hit me again because I'm lost in a reverie (this time about Hyde wearing a woman's kimono) for about a minute just now. I think she has been returned to the front yard to sweep it again, because somehow I can hear the voice of something swishing the ground outside. "It's Gackt, Tou-san. It's not that hard to remember, right?" "I don't really care about it, anyway," my father replies swiftly. "You'll still be Satoru until you die." I grin. "Thanks. I'll be happy to be your son 'till I die too, unless you force me to go through the koto practice again. I'll see you at dinner, Tou-san." I stand up and walk out of the room. Before I close the shoji, I hear my father's voice saying, "Okaeri," with a soft voice. I walk out of the house, finding my mother has just finished sweeping the front yard from falling leaves. "Kaa-san," I call her, "I'm going to Hyde's for a while." She gives me a smile. "Satoru." "Hm?" I stare at her brilliant eyes. "Okaeri nasai." I know somehow, that my mother and father are meant for each other. I smile too. "Tadaima kaerimashita." And soon I'm off to Hyde's house. ... which is just beside mine. When I stand in front of the gate though, I can already see him. He's on the rooftop, wearing a blue pajama, sitting near the television antenna. Inside his embrace I can see a white-brownish cat. I think he doesn't see me, because he's deep in 'conversation' with the kitty. Looking at him, although from the 8 meters distance, I suddenly want to kiss him.
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Post by Hime on Dec 10, 2005 19:08:06 GMT 8
I've known from the first time I met him, that he's a true beauty-although the situation itself wasn't that promising.
You can't possibly imagine the bizarre situation I was put into the first time I met Takarai Hideto in the third grade, but I'll tell you anyway. Just imagine when you enter the boys' restroom in your school, you see a girl inside trying to take off her red polcadot babydoll. What would you do? (to be astonished in this circumstance you should be a male) I'll definitely scream. To think about it all over again, I did almost scream then. But the girl was quicker to jump onto me and shut my mouth with her hand, while whispering a threat, "Scream and I'll drown your head in the toilet."
Wasn't that frightening.
The girl herself was actually a him named Takarai Hideto, who moved into my hometown that year and was forced to dressed as a girl by his mother and stubbornly wanted to get rid of the polcadot babydoll as soon as possible because he didn't want his new friends to know about the embarassing circumstances he was being put into (and unfortunately one of his new friends a.k.a. me, caught him red-handed stripping in the boy's restroom) although (duh) he didn't have nor bring any boys' clothes, and is now sitting on the rooftop of his house and being the object of my scrutiny. Even now I can still detect the traces of womanly beauty on his delicate face. In my opinion, he's not someone you can say as having a 'girly face' like people say I have, but if he has a long hair, he can pass easily as a pretty woman. Yet it doesn't mean he's not a cute man. He's really cute. I mean, cute (when I say this, I always shudder with excitement-yes, even after almost twenty years of being his friend). He has expressive black eyes, which sometimes show no more than an innocent gleam in it. His lips, full and crimson, though not-so-perfect if you see it from a make-up-artist point of view, always invite me to just gaze at it longingly, as though if I just stare I can somehow bring those lips into motion (though in some way, he almost always smiles everytime I look at his eyes, not his lips). And this warm smile always filled my chest with this warm, fuzzy feelings, as if we're the only people in the world. In fact, even if he smiles to me in the middle of a crowd, I'm still thinking that we're the only people in the world. From that time on, I found myself hiding the fact that I, Camui M.S. Gackt (it was Okabe Satoru that time, though), have a crush on him.
At first it was a light, childish crush. I always helped him changing his girly outfit into boy's clothes (which I gave him without his mother's knowing) every morning in the restroom, and into girl's dress again in the afternoon after school; I always play with him although the entire class mocked him for wearing a girl's dress; until in the middle of the fourth grade his mother finally accepted the fact that her only child was a boy. After that we always hung out carefreely just like boys would do.
... Well, not exactly what boys would do.
I always considered our friendship not to be purely platonic. At least on my side. To be honest, I do love him. I realized it when we graduated high school. At that time I wondered, why didn't I act like what I always did towards my other boyfriends when I'm with Hyde? Everything we did together had a considerably different atmosphere than when we're with the others. I had four other friends then, but they were different from him. The way I played PC game with him was different, so were the way we did kuinige in some famous restourant; the way we cleaned our bicycle after a rainy day; or the way we baked a cake for our mother's birthday. All was different from when I'm with my other friends (come to think of it, I wouldn't have baked any cake--or even cook anything with anyone other than Hyde--it felt too homey--and girly--for a teenage boy). I felt securer, happier, and all the more childish. I always feel, until now, the obligation to protect him, to hold his small hands tightly and say, 'Don't worry, you're with me now'. It's a strange feeling. Maybe it's because I first knew him as a girl.
And then I realized that I have a hope for him to love me the way I do him, cause simply, we didn't play around with girls-we didn't even talk about them. I did (and still do) play around with girls, but believe it or not, the first time our friends asked us to go to a party where there were a bunch of sexy high-school girls, Hyde's first reaction were a shaking of his head and a calm reply, "I have lots of homework to do." After that we still asked him out sometimes, and when he still refused, I came to realization, maybe he doesn't like girls.
Well not like me, I'm a (proud) bisexual. But I think he thinks I'm normal. I don't have a prove that he's gay, though.
I step into the small front yard and knock the wooden door softly. "Gomen kudasai..."
Sounds of hasty footsteps can be heard from inside, and a second later Hyde's mother's face is visible as she opens the door. "Sato-kun!" she seems surprised. "O-hisashiburi!"
I nod and smile. "O-hisashiburi desu. O-genki desu ka, Ba-san?"
"Of course! Agatte, agatte!"
I open my shoes and wear the slippers she offers me. Hyde's mother is an interesting person, she always seems to be excited over nothing. An itsumo genki person. His husband, on the other side, is as calm as river. Hyde resembles his father, I think. But his laugh resembles her. "O-jamashimasu. Is Hyde at home, Ba-san?" I asked, just for formalities.
"Maybe in his room," she smiles worrily. "He has been under the weather for almost a week. The doctor said that it's a common influenza, but the temperature hasn't subside yet. If you want to see him, go ahead. I'm making a soup for him, so I have to go back to the kitchen..."
"Ah, yes, don't let me interrupt you," I bow a little. After she retreats to her soup, I climb up the stairs to Hyde's bedroom. The house doesn't change a bit. The calm soft-blue wall reminds me of his warm smile. I knock the door twice. No answer. Then I open the door.
As I expected, he's still on the rooftop. From the window beside his bed I can see his back. I step in very slowly so that he won't notice me, and take a look around the room. His bed is well-made, like he purposely made it before he went out to the rooftop. On the 3 x 3 m room's one edge is the oshiire, in front of the bed is his desk, beside the desk is the book-shelf. The desk is full of papers, which I notice is his drawings. He said in his last visit to my place last month that he has been working as an illustrator this past two years. Yes. His visit last month was our first meeting since I moved to Tokyo and started my singing carrier four years ago. In that long four years we just communicated through phone and e-mail. A Hell quiet, distressing kind of life, without Hyde beside me.
"Haa~ido-chan," I lean into the window and call him gently.
He turns around abruptly and almost loses his balance. The cat in his hug swiftly leaps onto his shoulder. Startled, I jump over to the roof and catch his falling body, holding him tight to my chest. He's so soft and small, I feel like I don't mind hugging him the entire day.
"Gacchan, you surprised me," he laughs and pokes at my head softly. The brown cat looks at me with suspicious green eyes. I stare back at her. Then I look at Hyde and smile apologetically. "Sorry. I did call you as soft as I could. Who told you to be that easily distracted? What are you doing on the roof anyway?"
Maybe he's still in fever, cause I feel his body heat is higher than me. I tighten my hold on him and pull him to a higher, evener part of the roof. He withdraws from my chest with a smile and says, "Nah, I was looking at the sky when suddenly this cat jumped to the roof from nowhere... so I decided to take a look on her, out of curiosity (wonder why these words often became the sole reason of most of our acts). So why are you here?"
I feign a shocked expression. "God, Hyde-chan, you don't want me to be here?" then I laugh as I notice his mocking pout. "I don't have any idea. I just thought it might be good to visit hometown, since I've never returned since I moved to Tokyo."
It's a lie. The main reason I came here is, because there has been a curiosity pounding the inside of my chest, wanting so much to be diminished, and that curiosity appeared just after he visited me last month.
It's just out of curiosity, really. But a big, deep curiosity.
"So my visit last month somehow brought you to realization!" Hyde still pouts. He looks like a girl when he does that.
Yup, a major realization. A realization to the fact that he, maybe, deep inside the well of his heart, has been desiring me. Last month, while drinking in my apartment on his day of visiting me in Tokyo, he did one thing I thought he would never do before-he kissed me.
Literally, he crushed his supple lips on mine, brought me down on my couch, and gave me the most passionate, most endearing kiss I've ever had in my life. Maybe it's the white wine's doing, but his eyes when he gazed down at me while we're at it, his hands which wrapped around my shoulders as he deepened the kiss, and his arousal which I could feel clearly against my stomach-all echoed the same words: I want you.
But what made me so discouraged was that when I asked him about 'something he did last night' in the morning, he said that he remembered nothing. He only remembered drinking three glasses of wine and then collapsed on my couch (he did collapse on my couch, just to woke up a minute later and started drinking again, and then started to kiss me). Maybe noticing my upset expression, he asked worrily, "Did I do something you don't like?" (he was referring to something like crushing my expensive glasses to pieces and staining my leather couch or my Egyptian carpet) And you can guess what did I do: I smiled and said, "Of course not, you didn't do anything I don't like, Hyde-chan."
Trust me to be a total moron when it comes to love. ... Or when it comes to Hyde staring at me with his pure, wide black eyes.
I'm snapped back to the real world as I hear him saying, "And you didn't hear me. What are you thinking right now, Gacchan?" his red lips still curle into a pout like before, but now he's slightly smiling. "Too bad your mother isn't here to hit you."
I laugh. "Sorry," scratching my nose, I search for a right word. "... You know, I've been thinking about something."
"Something?" he tilts his head to the right, like what he always does when he's curious about something, and the cat on his left shoulder licks his earlobe. I gulp, wanting so much to throw that cat off Hyde's shoulder and do the licking thing myself instead.
"Yeah. Something..." I ponder, is this the right time to just blurt it out. "Something you did. Last month. In my apartment." I still have the hope that somehow he remembered the thing after he got back home.
Hyde just widens his eyes and repeats my words. "Something I did, last month, in your apartment?" he stares at my eyes, then at the cat, then his gaze moves to the roof, then to the sky, and to the front yard, then back to my eyes. I stare back at him with a slight smile.
Let me tell you the entire truth of what had happened last month in my apartment.
In one hot, sunny afternoon, precisely at 3 p.m., Takarai Hideto came to my apartment, carrying a huge bouquet of daisies. That day coincidentally I was so distressed about the upcoming of my latest single and missing my hometown (especially Hyde) so much that I was so surprised when the door bell rang and revealed the smiling face of Hyde, with white shirt, white pants, and a bouquet full of white daisies, saying, "Gacchan, do you miss me?"
So straight-forward a question. I was so touched by his affection and sudden appearance and almost jump onto him just then and there. Instead I smiled, tried to hide fresh tears which had been blooming in my eyes and said, "Hyde-chan! So nice to see you! Oh my God... beautiful flowers you have here! You don't have to do this for me..."
And then he said with a smile, "Oh no, I found them in front of your door," that eventually made me blush.
"Oh," I nodded, scratching the back of my head. "So... come on in."
"Maybe one of your fans put them there," (oh you don't have to bring that up again) he entered my place and looked around with an awe. "Nice apartment, Gacchan. Have you ever brought someone here?"
I didn't understand what he meant with that. Putting the daisies on an empty vase after filling some water in it (I stubbornly pretended that it was from Hyde), I asked, "What do you mean?" Was he referring to whether I have some one-night-stands with someone here or...
But he just flashed me a mysterious smile. "Nothing." He slumped his tiny form into my comfy leather couch. I sat beside him, looking at his wandering gaze. He was scrutinizing the room-the pure white walls, some painting I hung on it, the flat TV in front of the couch... what was he thinking anyway? Could it be... could it be that he was imagining himself to live here? With me?
I thought I've gone too far. I stood up. "You want some drink?"
He said yes, and after that we drowned in our usual conversation. It turned out that he had came to Tokyo because his boss invited him and his other colleagues to see some exhibition of this particular artist in a gallery (which I forgot the name, because all the time I was just looking at him without entirely trying to digest his words). Because he had some spare time, he decided to visit me (he had my address because I'd gave it to him in my last letter). He seemed so happy to see me, and I was more than happy to see him.
In these four years, although I hang out with my friends and play around with some girls often, I still can't forget him. At first I tried. But then I stopped trying, mostly because his image keeps reappearing inside my head. When I eat, I remember his cooking; when I jog, I remember him trying so hard to keep pace with me (I always said to him that with that small body he could've run faster than me, cause he could more easily be flown by the wind); when I bathe, I remember him once filled the o-furo with hot water for me (we didn't ever bathe together, unfortunately-that would be an interesting memory); when I wear my clothes, I remember him once scolded me for wearing a wrinkled shirt and then obligingly ironed it for me... 80% of my memory about hometown consisted of him.
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Post by Hime on Dec 10, 2005 19:12:50 GMT 8
We talked all day, and I suggested to call some delivery meal instead of going out looking for food. Hyde seemed to not wanting to get up from the couch too, so he agreed. We ended up having some Chinese food delivered, and I opened one of my white wine.
And then that thing happened.
At first we were just drinking. Then the alcohol started to show its effect on me-or on us. I can still imagine, there we were, two young man sitting on the black leather couch, a glass of wine in each of our right hands, our face blushing a deep crimson. After waking up from his sudden collapse on the third glass, Hyde seemed more light-headed. "Your father still can't pronounce your name, you know," Hyde laughed as he filled his glass in the fourth round. "He can't concentrate on it's spelling because it's written in alphabet. I said to him repeatedly, 'Ga-ku-to' but he just couldn't say it."
"Yeah," I laughed too, "And you're supposed to call me like that too. 'Gacchan' sounds too childish."
"No way," he pouted. "It sounds childish cause you are childish. I want to be the only person who calls you that way."
His words somehow revived something inside my chest, and I found myself moving my head closer to him, as if wanting to kiss his neck. He didn't move a bit. "Saa, Hyde-chan, we've been friends for such a long time, don't you think?"
"Uh-huh," Hyde took a sip of his wine and turned his face to look at my eyes, so I had to withdrew my head. He was enchantingly cute, with his cheeks pink from alcohol, but his eyes were still as sharp as before, and his white shirt seems like glowing on my black leather couch.
"Our families have known each other for a long time too, right?" I didn't know where was this going to lead me.
"Uh-huh," once again Hyde sipped the white wine.
"And," I inched closer to his so that our hips touching, "... we've been friends for such a long time, haven't we?" I know I've said that sentence before, but at that time I was too drunk to realize it.
"Uh-huh..."
Silence.
This time he turned his head to face me before sipping his wine and asked with a light, amused voice, "Your point, Gacchan?"
I laughed. "The point is..." what I said after that was one of the most unbelievable things I've ever said in my life, "... what do you think about marriage?"
Even now I'm still thinking why did I ask that. Maybe it was just out of curiosity.
But Hyde just stared at me, his wide eyes filled with amazement; his delectable red lips half-opened which made me all the more provoked; his hand gripped the glass wine so tight that I almost afraid he would break it. And then he let out a laugh. "Gacchan's funny!" he laughed almost hysterically that I could do nothing but to look at him quietly. "Marriage, you say? Impossible, Gacchan... how can you think of something like th-"
And I shut him up with a kiss.
It was the first time I kissed him, although I'd been wondering what it would be like to taste those inviting full lips. Just like how I imagined them to be, his lips were soft and warm. I only kissed him lightly, though, merely to stop him from laughing, or maybe to make him believe that I wasn't joking. When I finally broke the kiss, his eyes fluttered open and met my gaze. He was blushing a deep red (I think it's less from the wine than from my kiss), and for an instant, I became afraid that I had made him angry-I'd insulted him.
But no, because a second later he (like what I've told you before) suddenly plunged into me and lay me on my back on the couch, and started kissing me eagerly. I couldn't believe what was happening-in spite of my constant imagination of Hyde I'd never thought he could do such thing. I always thought that he only considered me as a friend. But now I found him lying on top of me, his small body pressed against mine; his lush red lips locked mine in a torrid kiss; his warm tongue probing the insides of my mouth; his ardening arousal rubbed against my stomach... I almost couldn't think straight.
And when he slowly broke the kiss, he slumped into my chest with a contented smile, saying, "I've always wanted to do that, Gacchan," and fell asleep.
So with that kind of thing happened, how could I not feel encouraged?!
I snap myself back from the sweet-yet-slightly-upsetting memory to gaze at Hyde's innocent face. "You didn't remember?" I can hear my weak, tormented voice.
Hyde shakes his head. "Sorry, Gacchan... but I remember you asked this kind of question too last month when I was going to leave your place," his face is soon clouded with the same worryness as last month's. "Really, Gacchan, did I do something you don't like?"
"Yes," I answer firmly.
"What?" Hyde moves closer to me, his small hands clutching at my arms. The brown cat leaps from his shoulder into the room (luckily). "What did I do?"
I take a deep breath. "You forgot about something very important."
Hyde stares deeply at my eyes as if with looking at it he can read my mind. But he's no psychic (I guess so). After a while he exasperates and says, "Gacchan, please, please forgive me, but I still don't remember a thing. What was it, Gacchan?"
"You did something last month, Hyde!" and I forgot to add the -chan as I half-shout exhaustedly at him. "Something that I don't care if I have to lose my life just to have it back."
Yes. My life isn't all that much after I realized that I loved him. My life consists of Hyde. From the first time I met him, I've somehow known that this person will occupy my mind for the rest of my life.
Yet, Hyde's brain is always too slow for this kind of thing. "I don't understand, Gacchan!"
Then I'll make him.
I pull him to my embrace and kiss him.
Imagine. I'm on the rooftop, holding a pajama-clad Hyde tightly, tasting his beautiful rose-bud lips attentively while being blown by the summer wind. I open my eyes slightly and see Hyde's long eyelashes flutter against his delicate skin. He's responding to my kiss by moving his lips slowly, then he starts to suck my mouth, and with a gentle pull on my shirt's collar, our tongues meet. I explore the slender of his back with my hands and stop on his neck, tilting his head upwards so that I can deepen the kiss.
Hyde is warm. Hyde is soft. Hyde is honey-like sweet. Hyde is sober, and Hyde is kissing me back.
After what seems like an eternity, I break the kiss and take a deep look of his face. His cheeks are glowing pink, and his eyes gaze at me almost sheepishly. Unconsciously licking his lips, he asks me without words, 'why did you do that?'
"You, Hyde-chan," I smile as I trace the line of his perfect nose softly, "did that to me last month. I'm just giving you my gratitude."
His mouth is half-opened with shock, he tries to pull his tiny form away from my chest, but I don't want to let him go. "I-I did-last month-you-what did I do?!"
Still hugging him, I sigh and take a hold of his right hand. "You kissed me, Hyde-chan." I kiss his warm palm lightly. "And I liked it. We liked it. In fact, you said to me that you had been wanting to do that."
"I did?" Hyde repeats his words, his eyes are filled with surprise and embarrassment. "... And... and I didn't remember it?"
"Yes."
"... And you like it?"
"Yes."
"... So you like me?"
I gaze fondly into his wide, innocent eyes and say firmly, "Yes. All the time. From the first time we met."
Hyde can't say a thing-maybe he's too shocked with my kokuhaku. I then decided that we don't need to exchange words this time, as I've expressed my feelings for him clearly, and so has him. So I tighten my embrace and let him rest his head on the crook of my neck, enjoying the affectionate, intimate moment. I feel so much better after I confessed to him about my feelings, although I still can't predict what will he do after this. Yet I feel encouraged by his act. I close my eyes and can still imagine his lips on mine. His hands on my neck. His shocked, albeit tender gaze at me. His accepting body against mine.
"... Gacchan."
"Hmm?"
"... I like you since the first time we met too."
I don't feel like conceiving a big, satisfied grin. "What a coincidence, Hyde-chan."
He snuggles a bit against my body. "... But you're different now."
"Huh?"
"You're a celebrity now. I mean... your reputation..."
"Hyde-chan," I stroke his smooth chin and tilt his face so that he can face me, and what I see are two round, expressive, now-shown-with-anxiety eyes, "It doesn't matter. I don't give a damn about that. I became a singer so that I can sing, not because I want everybody to like me. And you," I bend down a little to land a chaste kiss on Hyde's red lips, "are more important than my carrier."
Hyde stares at me for a moment as if thinking, then he wraps his arms around my body tightly. "Gacchan..."
"Hmm?"
"Thanks."
"Your welcome." I kiss the top of his head and ruffle his soft locks lightly, laughing. He laughs too, still clung comfortably against my body. The cat is nowhere to be seen. The rooftop is clean from leaves, the sky is clear-blue. The warm wind is blowing, and I can see the sun shining far on the horizon. I feel at bliss.
Then, "... Gacchan."
"Hmm?"
"If you have some time today..." he fleetingly fingers the buttons of my shirt, with voice as soft as when he's talking to his baby-niece six years ago, "... well, would you come inside and... I'm still in fever, I know, but..." Hyde look up at me, his eyes are bright as stars in a summer night, yet they can't hide the color on his cheeks, "... maybe we can do... you know, something."
Of course I know something. I've been imagining about that particular something ever since he kissed me a month ago (honestly, before the occurence the furthest thing I imagined was just French-kissing him-believe me!). I give him a teasing grin and kiss his cheek softly. "You mean it, Hyde-chan?"
He just stares at me with a shy look, biting his lips. I suddenly find it peculiarly sexy, so without hesitating even a second, I move forward and am about to kiss him for the seventh time, when unwantingly, all of a sudden, without the slightest warning, his mother comes into the room and calls his child with a high voice, "Here's the soup! ... What are you two doing on the roof?! It's dangerous, go back in here! Hide-chan, Sato-kun!"
We abruptly break our embrace, I cough while Hyde feigns a surprised expression, "You-don't-have-to-worry-Kaa-san-I'm-just-looking-for-fresh-air-Gacchan-why-don't-you-stay-I'll-call-your-mother-so-that-you-can-eat-here-oh-it-smells-nice-Kaa-san-thanks-would-you-give-me-the-recipe-later?"
And then we retreat back into his room and share an understanding gaze means 'later'. The 'later' didn't happen anyway. But yesterday I was too happy with the interesting outcome of our relationship, so I didn't mind when his mother said to me that he had to rest for a while if we wanted his temperature to go down (and to think that he'd exposed himself to the wind as he sat on the rooftop). I care about his health more than I do my libido, so I bid him a mata ashita while whispering to his ears that he had to be healthy first to do that particular something in his mind. He gave me a thoughtful smile when I left his room.
Today when I wake up in the morning, the only thing I notice is the damp sheets (and my wet boxers too) around the area of my thighs. I've been thinking about Hyde too much in the night, perhaps. Trying to get rid of the sheets so that my mother won't see it if she comes to my room (another habit of her: appear suddenly like a ghost), I wince at the thought of having to wash the sheets myself (my mother doesn't like the idea to wash her son's post-wet-dream sheets and clothes since I entered high-school) in this sunny, clear day where I suppose to share an intimate moment with Hyde. Aw, Hell, laundry can wait. I put the wet sheets and boxers into the dirty clothes basket on one side of my room and take a bath.
Then like usual, I begin my day with activating my laptop and get online. After checking my e-mail and official site, and left some loving comments for my fans there with some hint that I was so happy yesterday, I leisurely enter a popular magazine site and startle when I see two familiar faces on the page. There, between the other news about this singer's divorce with this actor, about this rock star's plastic surgery, and about this actress that isn't truly a woman, is a picture of me and Hyde kissing each other on the rooftop of his house.
I shock. So there was some paparazzi yesterday who caught the scene with his camera and put it in this site. God. Maybe in a day the scoop will be in the local news channel and be the front-page in all music magazines. And there will be reporters and fans coming to my house or my apartment or even Hyde's house to clarify the matter. And my parents will ask something concerning my homosexual inclination, and my father will surely choose to have an onnagata son instead.
I click it twice and it opens to a new page. The picture itself are (yes, there are more than one) in a good quality. There's one when I was kissing him with his hands on my neck, one when I stroked his nose, and one when he rested his head on the crook of my neck. The identity of 'Gackt's secret lover' isn't very clear yet, the reporter stated, but he was very sure that the so-called 'secret lover' is my neighbor and most likely, my childhood friend. I touch the monitor lightly, and muse about how good the angles were-we looked like we were really meant for each other. I wonder if anyone who see these pictures think like that too.
Yet in spite of my thoughts about the trivial things that most probably will appear themselves later, I can't help but to think that Hyde won't be that shocked or influenced by these things. He did hesitate for a while yesterday when he said that I'm a celebrity and he didn't want to ruin my reputation, but then he accepted my reason quickly as if the anxiety in his mind wasn't that big, as if what he's been worrying about was just my carrier and if I'm okay with that, he's okay too. So I think he will maybe just, well, laugh if I show him this webpage and say, "Geez, Gacchan, I didn't realize that you actually afraid of falling when you were kissing me (well I did ponder for a second whether I can balance myself on that rooftop or not, but I didn't think that it was stated clearly on my face as I can see in the picture just now)!"
Come to think of it, out of curiosity, what if I just show this picture to him right now, when there are no one to interrupt us? It's just 7 a.m. in the morning, and I doubt the press will march to my house this early. Wonder what face will Hyde give me? Will he laugh, or will he scream in astonishment? Or will he just smile and pull me to his embrace to continue our effort on that something we didn't have the chance to do yesterday?
Feeling a rush of excitement all over my body, I change my clothes and head up to Hyde's house.
[completed in February 1st, 2005, 10:20 a.m] ai_wataru says : So, so? *eyes glimmering with enthusiasm* What do you think? Please give a comment, because this is only the second fanfic I've ever completed in my life (as for gakuhai fanfic, it's the first). I'm thinking about new ideas right now, but my hands have already sore from typing, so I think I'm going to boil those ideas for a while inside my head. But I need to hear some comments to keep these ideas going. A writer can't surviver without any reader, right? Oh yeah... and because I'm a rookie, I want to ask... what is AIM? How can I use it? And thanks!
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Post by |lFugenCamuil| on Dec 10, 2005 19:30:01 GMT 8
copy-paste.....
copy paste dulu.....
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Post by Hime on Dec 10, 2005 19:36:57 GMT 8
XDDDD~ alexxx cepetan baca~ bagu loh......... salah satu ffc fave sids ^^V....
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Post by |lFugenCamuil| on Dec 10, 2005 19:45:48 GMT 8
hontou ka???
susgoi desu ka??
houh...hoouh......~~
eh, iya~~~
sids yg I love you yang dulu pernah sids kasih^^
Alex dulu dah pernah baca~~ walopun gak bisa ambil yg chapter akhir^^
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Post by Hime on Dec 10, 2005 19:50:27 GMT 8
un?? apa maksudna??
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Post by |lFugenCamuil| on Dec 10, 2005 19:51:38 GMT 8
~,~yang fic I LOVE YOU itu~~~~~
alex ternyata dah pernah baca sebelum sids ato pids kasih ke Alex~~
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Post by Hime on Dec 10, 2005 19:56:55 GMT 8
oh ^^.. bagus kan?? FFC yang mengharukan~ sids sampe nangis bacanya ^^;;; itu juga ffc fave sids ^^V~ enjoy ya~ sids maw off dulu~ papayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~ ^__________^
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ahalfwing
GakuHai New Friends
~poor my lovely gackt~
Posts: 33
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Post by ahalfwing on Dec 10, 2005 21:28:51 GMT 8
hehehehe sids ai mo jadi pertama yg naruh pendapat ttg ffc yang atu ini..way..katanya2 lucu..and ada beberapa kata yg ai ga ngerti..TwT..ternyata bhs inggris ai ga sebagus yg ai kira....(loz narsisnya keluar) bagus sidsXDXD disini bner2 bisa discribe in perasaan agku walo hydenya tetep jadi makhluk lemah gemulai..Hikxz padahal ai pengen hyde lebih macho..... yah sweet lah untung ga smapai tahap something... soalnya ia masi trauma
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